Out of college dating
It’s better to err on the side of taking more time to get to know somebody – and letting them get to know – than to start making lunch plans and feeling let down when they can never seem to make it or just don’t reply at all.
There’s less pressure and less of that gut-punch of loneliness when you’re able to play it cool.
and you have no real idea how to that, especially now that you’re out in the “real world”. There might have been an awkward point or two during freshman orientation, but you found your group relatively quickly.
and it’s getting smaller all the time, with no real way of finding new people to bring into the group. You may have just moved to a new city, you may have had to cut ties with your old life or you just may never have had many people you were close to…
We had immediate commonalities – being fans of Veronica Mars – which led to finding commonalities like video games, Joss Whedon shows and making really inappropriate jokes out of just about anything.
Another benefit to finding new friends via your hobbies is that it makes you part of a community.
It also gives the impression that the needy person is going to be expecting a higher level of emotional commitment and investment than the potential friend might be willing to give. But letting yourself get caught up in the new friendship rush can open you up to disappointment.We went from “strangers” to “friends” in the span of an hour and change, plus a few trips to the bar.Another good friend of mine – the guy who officiated at my wedding, actually – was a friendship that developed over a couple months.Part of the reason why it was so much easier to make friends in school was that sense of shared identity – you’re all students together at the core, even if you subdivide into other cliques that group.Being part of a new community helps trigger the pack-instincts that make us bond together; you’re no longer a “you”, you’re an “us”, which in turn makes others warm up to you faster.
You’re interested in making new friends but unlike when you were in college, it’s no longer as simple or intuitive as it once was. Meal plans and on-campus housing meant that there were fewer errands to run during the day.